Well I am just not much of a blogger. I want to be better, but I have TSOS. What is TSOS you ask? Well it is The Shiny Object Syndrome. If we can have Restless Leg Syndrome then why not Shiny Object Syndrome :) So as I was saying I get distracted easily and I have the best intention to post, but I just don't. So I am going to do better with my posting for I really want a record of my journey. This will be my last surrogacy (I mean it honey) so I want to make sure I enjoy every moment that I can.

On the surrogacy front I am supposed to be starting BCP on Sunday if my AF shows up on time. I am so not looking forward to going on BCP for at best BCP and I have an adversarial relationship. I of course will take them, but so not looking forward to it. I am them supposed to start injections on April 21, but so far I do not have a contract and without that nothing can happen. I am sure I will have a contract soon, but of course I have the patience of a 3 year old at a candy store. So I sit and wait each day hoping that the attorney will get in contact with me soon. I only have so much hair to pull out.

On the home front things are going well. My oldest DS will be graduating college in less than 2 months. I am just so very proud of that kid! My DD and I are getting along better. She has been hanging out at the house more and she is really trying or doing a good job of faking it. Either way I am fine with her behavior. My youngest DS is doing well and finally went out for a team sport. He is playing volleyball and he really did a great job at his game yesterday. I was just so proud to see him doing so well. The oldest DD who graduated from college 4 months ago still does not have a real job. She is looking for a job per her, but I have the feeling she is looking as hard as my abs are after nine babies.

I thought my DH was going to stroke out when DD said she wanted to be a river raft guide this summer. He went on a rant about why did we pay all this money for college and is this what you want to do with you life. DH is right, but it was still fun to watch how mad he could get ;-)

Wow I can't believe it is already the middle of March!!!! I know it I say it all the time, but where does the time go?

So I believe I have been matched!!! I am so excited and looking forward to what this journey will bring. I do wish that my DH was more supportive of me being a GS again, but I know he has his reasons. I wish I could explain what being a surrogate means to me in words that he would understand. It is so hard to explain to somebody who just does not know why a surrogate does what we do. My DH has been wonderful through my other journey's so I can't complain. He is a wonderful man who will not stop me, but having his full support means would mean the world to me. Also I think that I have been fairly reasonable with the surrogacy's for I did not do them back to back and it has been almost three years since I have been pregnant.

I also know that he does not believe this will be my last journey. I am not sure how to convince him that it truly is the last time I will be a surrogate. In life you know when you are ready to move onto to something new and I know after this journey I will be ready to move onto the next phase of my life. I personally know that I want to get a tummy tuck and start to travel more.

I love being a surrogate and am looking forward to this journey, but know that I can't and don't want to do this forever.

Okay enough of my whining. My DD went to live with her father and things have been a lot better around the house. I still see her quite a bit, but for the most part she is at her Dad's. She is also doing better in school and is working hard. If living with her Dad is bring out the best in her then I am all supportive. I want my DD to be happy and successful. She is a good person I just need her to see that for herself.

Well Happy belated Valentines day to all. I had a great day with my DH just hanging out and catching up on our Netflix's. My DH surprised me with 2 dozen roses delivered on Valentines Day. Since I am the worlds cheapest person I had to bite my tongue and not think about how much money the delivery change must have been on a SUNDAY! I actually just put it out of my mind and enjoyed the flowers which are still beautiful.

I am still looking into being a GS again, but it is going slow for I have not put too much time or effort into looking. I guess I was just hoping the perfect IP's would just fall out of the sky and want me as their GS. I know it is just a dream for it takes work to find a good match on both ends.

Things with me DD finally came to a head and after her throwing a milkshake on me and trying to hit me with her laptop I sent her to live with her father. I really can't have her just doing whatever she wants to whoever she wants. I will not stand for being hit or called names anymore. I found a therapist for us so I am hoping that over time we can have a good if not a great relationship and put all this nonsense behind us. For now I will take it moment by moment and see what happens. Having a troubled teenager is just so difficult. I never thought a child of mind would act like this and yet here I am with a DD that just will not listen and really does not care. I am still hopeful that this too shall pass.

Been a while

It has been a while since I posted for I really did not have any updates. I started this blog so I could update about my surrogacy journey, but now I am kind of debating what to do with my blog?

I did have a wonderful surrogacy related weekend. I drove up North about five hours from my house for a wonderful surrogate get together. I got to meet the most wonderful women and finally but some faces to the names I see on the board. The wonderful person J who put all this together is truly an amazing person and I was so glad I got to spend some quality time with her and her adorable son. It truly was a treat for me to get away from my day to day life and spend time with some incredible people. I am already looking forward to the new surrogate GTG :)

As for me on the surrogacy front nothing really new to report. I really am not sure what I am doing and this may be a sign that it is time to retire and do other things in the surrogacy world :( I know it will be difficult for me, but if it is for the best then I will accept my fate.

Work is going well and as always grateful to have a job that I like. Kids are doing well and my oldest son will be graduating from college in May. I am just so proud of that kid. I am so glad that I did not screw him up and he did not end up on the Dr. Phil show.

Happy New Year

Wow it is already the New Year! 2010!!!!! How exciting. I always like to look at the beginning of the year as new beginnings that things that you thought could not get fixed can. That we don't have to carry with us the worries of last year and that going forward it is going to be great. Yes I like to do this for all of 5 minutes and then remember is is just a date and that things that happened last year or last night do not just go away just because we write a different year on our checks.

I am hoping that this is a great year. That this year I find great IP's to help and if I don't that I can be okay with the six surro babies that I helped to bring into the world. Also I am praying that my DD and I can start to have a better relationship. I am not sure why Mother and Daughters just can't get along in the teen years. Is is written somewhere for I did not get the memo. I really don't want to fight with my DD anymore. I want her to be happy and successful, but if I can't get through to her then how am I going to help?

I got to get away for a couple of days with my DH to Vegas which is always nice. It would have been a nicer trip if I had won, but you can't always comes home a winner for how would they keep building all of those casinos :)

I can't believe that in just a couple of months I will have two kids that have graduated college! Wow! it is still amazing to me that I am old enough to have kids in college let alone graduated.

Working is going well. We got sold again so I am not sure what is going to happen. I am hoping for the best and it means we get to do new and exciting things :) I like to learn new things and it is great when you are busy.

So I was wondering if this is just me of does this bother anybody else? Over the holidays somebody posted that a family was in need on our boards. They were going to have a rotten Christmas and they needed some help. Well me being the biggest bleeding heart you can ever imagine sent the kids some gifts. I did not expect anything in return, but I wanted to know if they got the gifts. I have sent a email asking if they receive the items and nothing. So I sent another email and nothing. REALLY you can not even take the time out to just send me a simple yes we go them. How hard can that be! Sorry this just makes me mad. I just want to know if you got what I sent. You don't have to thank me, you don't have to use what I send, but hey let me know!!!! Anyway I am done ranting for today. Have a great day and Happy New Year!

Time just goes

Wow is did not realize that I had not posted in so long. I started this blog to post about my journey and when it just went away I guess I just wanted to hide. Now after a month I am okay with what happened. I spoke to my OB a few times and she finally sent a letter. Of course she did not send me a copy of the letter so I am not sure if I am still under the bus and just flatter or she actually did what she said she was going to do.

I did not hear from the RE's office so I am going to guess it was not a great letter. Oh well I guess it is just time to find a new OB. Not just because of this, but the fact that we spoke and she was fine with me doing another journey and then she sold me out for whatever her reasons where? I am not sure if this is it for me. I had my heart set on doing this again, but if I am tainted then I should consider that it is the end of the road for me :( As sad as that makes me I am trying to stay positive :) Not really in my nature to be the upbeat Polliana type, but I really am working on see the good and not focusing on the bad and the what IF's. After 42 years it is difficult to change, but I am not giving up. See right there I am being positive. Baby steps Bridgett, baby steps.

Well on a lighter note and some happier news. The oldest DD has finish UCLA!!!! We are so excited for her. My DH and I are so very proud and a bit more flush now that we have one less tuition to pay for. The oldest DS will be graduating in May, 2010 so in just few short months we will have both older kids out of college! I still can't believe that I will have two kids who graduated college. I am so pleased.

On a more sour note my younger DD and I are still not quite seeing eye to eye. She has not resorted to telling me she is going to kill me and rid my eyes out. I think every third word is shut-up and the fourth work is F'er. She does not actually say the F word, but it is implied. I am really not sure what to do? She is just a mess and I am not sure why? I know that her father and I are not together anymore, but I collectively with my two parents have been through 4 divorces. My Dad has been married 4 times and I never and still don't call him and F'er. I am still praying that it will work out between us and someday we will have a relationship.

Anyway it in 15 short days it will be Christmas which is a wonderful time of year. I am happy that the kids are healthy and for the most part doing well. I will be glad to spend the time with family and friend.

WHY! WHY! WHY! can I not put this issue of being terminated as a surrogate out of my head! I just want to put it behind me, but it is still nagging at me like a lingering cough after you are done with the cold. I spoke to my OB again and she promised she would call the RE and clear this up, but she still hasn't. I really don't want the IF's to think I mislead them in anyway. I know I didn't but still they have invested time and money in me and I turned out to be a dud for them.

I guess in the back of my mind I keep hoping I will get a call saying we can use you, but I know that is not going to happen. I am still unsure of what I should do? I really wanted to do this journey, but now I am kind of in limbo. I really just don't understand how the RE could let me transfer once if I was such a high risk? I JUST DON'T GET IT. Maybe I was just kidding myself that I could do this again. I know that other woman do it many time, but after 9 babies and 4 c/s I should just be grateful for what I have done. Yes I know easier said then done. I need to shut off my mind for a while. Hopefully soon I will find some peace with this situation.

So on a more positive note. This past Friday I got a call that Bon Jovi was performing on the tonight show. So I got to go there rehearsal. It was a lot of fun and so intimate. They only played two songs about 4 times each for they were getting ready for the show, but it was so amazing to be there so close and in the action. I have been a fan since the beginning so this was a big affair for me. I did not get to meet Jon Bon Jovi, but I was really close this time. I am sure at some point in my life I will get to meet the man, the myth, the ledgand :)

I hope you all have a wonderful week and a great Thankgiving. I know that I am thankful for so very much and I am truly blessed with my family, my job, my friends, having a home. I am so grateful each and everyday.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!