WHY! WHY! WHY! can I not put this issue of being terminated as a surrogate out of my head! I just want to put it behind me, but it is still nagging at me like a lingering cough after you are done with the cold. I spoke to my OB again and she promised she would call the RE and clear this up, but she still hasn't. I really don't want the IF's to think I mislead them in anyway. I know I didn't but still they have invested time and money in me and I turned out to be a dud for them.

I guess in the back of my mind I keep hoping I will get a call saying we can use you, but I know that is not going to happen. I am still unsure of what I should do? I really wanted to do this journey, but now I am kind of in limbo. I really just don't understand how the RE could let me transfer once if I was such a high risk? I JUST DON'T GET IT. Maybe I was just kidding myself that I could do this again. I know that other woman do it many time, but after 9 babies and 4 c/s I should just be grateful for what I have done. Yes I know easier said then done. I need to shut off my mind for a while. Hopefully soon I will find some peace with this situation.

So on a more positive note. This past Friday I got a call that Bon Jovi was performing on the tonight show. So I got to go there rehearsal. It was a lot of fun and so intimate. They only played two songs about 4 times each for they were getting ready for the show, but it was so amazing to be there so close and in the action. I have been a fan since the beginning so this was a big affair for me. I did not get to meet Jon Bon Jovi, but I was really close this time. I am sure at some point in my life I will get to meet the man, the myth, the ledgand :)

I hope you all have a wonderful week and a great Thankgiving. I know that I am thankful for so very much and I am truly blessed with my family, my job, my friends, having a home. I am so grateful each and everyday.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Followers

I just wanted to say thank you to my two new followers. I am so excited to actually have somebody following my blog and not just be talking to myself anymore. Thank you Ginger and Christine :)

Well I was right my OB did not give me her approval even through she did in March, 2009 and also the Perintologist did as well. This happened on Nov 10th and I got a termination letter from my IF's with the threat of sueing me for breech of contract? I was a mess on Wednesday. My agency did not call me, nor did the doctors office I just got a wonderful letter terminating my contract with my IF's.

I am finally feeling a little better for I spoke with my IF's and they were nice and I understand that they must do what is best for them in the persuit of having a family. I also talked to my OB and she is just worried about her liablity which is understandable. I talked to her for a while and let her know I went to the perintologist and I am aware of the risk. She then said well I can give you an approval if you know the risk! I guess it is just too little to late now :( I just don't want to be sued. Not sure why I would be sued when I did everything that was asked of me and I saw not one, but two RE's who gave me their approvals? I also had a failed transfer.

I think that the RE is looking for every reason why the transfer failed. Mine you only 2 of the embryos grow to 5 days and the rest stop growing at 2-3 days. Not one made it to freezing which struck me as odd. If they want to get a better surrogate then I really do wish them the best. I guess what really hurts it the way I found out and the attitude I got from my agency.

I was also so upset that I have only had 4 IP's and the 3 pervious IP's I have delivered a child or children to them. Not I am a failure :( I know stop with the pitty party, but it just really sucks. Also I need to take a good hard look at retiring. I am over 40, had 4 c/s and a total of 9 babies! I just really love being a surrogate and now that it really may be over I have to get used to that idea. I also wanted to retire on my own terms, but sometime you just don't get what you want :( Well as I am pondering my future as a surrogate I will try and distract my with the up coming holidays and all of the eating I am planning on doing :)

Have a great day!

Well I have been a wreck since Friday. My RE's office called and said please have your OB call us. I was like why? They told me they needed her approval and the RE wanted to talk to her. I was okay that should not be a problem, but I already transferred with your office on Sept 30Th? I would have thought that all of the approvals would have been done already? My husband of course told me not to worry, but I just can't help myself. I just don't want my OB to suddenly come back and say "well she is old, and has had 4 c/s and this will be her 10Th baby!" You know sometimes when doctors get talking that things can go in other directions then you have been told.

I guess my biggest stress is if the IF's are told that I am not a good surrogate even through the RE told them I was great. I don't like to stress out, but I just can't help myself sometimes.

So I went to my first surrogate support meeting. Yes I know I have been a surrogate for the past eight years! I just haven't gone before due to the distance from my house to the meetings. Well I decided to finally just go and pray my car would make the long trip. Well my car did great and it took me just over 2 hours to get to the meeting. There were about 40 other surrogates there and we had a great time. There was a lot of food and dessert. I made cookies and an apple pie. I made the pie from scratch and it came out really good so I am going to have to make it again :)

Work is going well and it looks like the parent company will be selling us very soon. This will be the sixth owner in the 17 years I have been here. Change is generally for the best, but sometimes the unknown is scary. Not like I have the power to change who owns the company. I wish I had that kind of power, even if I just had the power to get my 16 year old daughter from stop being so nasty that would be a plus :)

Have a great week!

Gumby

Halloween

So we had a great time on Halloween :) It was so much fun and the haunted house came out so wonderful. My husband spent so much time putting it together and it really did scare people. It was so much fun to see kids too scared to walk up to the door to get candy. Even some of the adults were scared!

I was dressed as Gumby and it was great. I got high fives, and picture took pictures of me. It was just a good time. My youngest son dress up like Jason and would chase people down the street.

The kids that came to the house had some wonderful costumes on and it was just great to see them all. I really love Halloween it is just so great and such a good time :)

So now that Halloween is over it is time to really start thinking about Thanksgiving and then Christmas will be here before you know it!!! I am really for both, but the holidays just stress me out. There is just so much to do with the cooking, decorating, gift buying, and just trying to make sure that you include everybody. People are in such a rush this time a year that we tend to forget that the holidays are meant to be spent with family and friends. I know that is all works out in the end just trying to get through it with just a little more gray hair would be great.

So my lovely daughter just called me to tell me I am a horrible Mother. What else is new? If I had a dime for each time I heard that I could take a vacation to Europe. I just can't seem to make that kids happy, no matter what I do. She is made that her phone did not charge correctly and that I did not leave out lunch money. Mind you I got up at 3am to plug in her phone, and there is money in the jar on the kitchen counter that she can take. I know that she wants to go live with her Dad next year and she will be 17 so I have to just let her make her own decisions. It is not like I won't see her, but I just worry that her Dad just does not push her in the right direction. To any parents of a teenager it really is just one of the most difficult things I have had to deal with.