WHY! WHY! WHY! can I not put this issue of being terminated as a surrogate out of my head! I just want to put it behind me, but it is still nagging at me like a lingering cough after you are done with the cold. I spoke to my OB again and she promised she would call the RE and clear this up, but she still hasn't. I really don't want the IF's to think I mislead them in anyway. I know I didn't but still they have invested time and money in me and I turned out to be a dud for them.

I guess in the back of my mind I keep hoping I will get a call saying we can use you, but I know that is not going to happen. I am still unsure of what I should do? I really wanted to do this journey, but now I am kind of in limbo. I really just don't understand how the RE could let me transfer once if I was such a high risk? I JUST DON'T GET IT. Maybe I was just kidding myself that I could do this again. I know that other woman do it many time, but after 9 babies and 4 c/s I should just be grateful for what I have done. Yes I know easier said then done. I need to shut off my mind for a while. Hopefully soon I will find some peace with this situation.

So on a more positive note. This past Friday I got a call that Bon Jovi was performing on the tonight show. So I got to go there rehearsal. It was a lot of fun and so intimate. They only played two songs about 4 times each for they were getting ready for the show, but it was so amazing to be there so close and in the action. I have been a fan since the beginning so this was a big affair for me. I did not get to meet Jon Bon Jovi, but I was really close this time. I am sure at some point in my life I will get to meet the man, the myth, the ledgand :)

I hope you all have a wonderful week and a great Thankgiving. I know that I am thankful for so very much and I am truly blessed with my family, my job, my friends, having a home. I am so grateful each and everyday.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!