Well I got some great news yesterday. The guys found a new proven donor!!!!! Yay!!!! I am so excited. This donor sounds great, 3 donations and 3 pregnancies. When I was a donor not to brag, but I was 5 for 5 on pregnancies so I am rooting for her. I never got a great deal of eggs, but I did have good quality eggs which is always good to hear :) . As a donor you want your recipient to get pregnant. It looks like they are finishing up the legal paperwork with the donor and then we will be good to go. I am really hoping we can get pregnant on the 2Nd transfer. It has never taken me more than 2 transfers to get pregnant. I don't want to disappoint the guys again. They want a baby and I want to make them parents.

Well Halloween is on Saturday and we are almost ready. My husband has done most of the work, but I have helped out a little bit. I am not the artistic so I get nervous when I have to create something with arty. I am working on the ghost that will be hanging from a motor. I will have my 12 year old son help me finish it up in the next day or two. We also have 7 pumpkins to crave which is always fun :) I will also be working for a bit at the caravel at the school my son goes to. I will be working the 7Th grade booth. It is so much fun to see all the kids dressed up in their customes. After I finish I will get on home and get dressed in my scary Gumby costume :)
I just know the house is going to look great on Saturday. HAPPY HALLOWEEN.

Well here it is one weeks after my negative beta and AF showed her lovely face just to rub in the fact that I am really NOT pregnant on this transfer :( I was feeling better about things until AF showed up and then I got all emotional again about the failure of this cycle. I know that we are going to try again, but it is the not know when? I just start to get impatient and want to get moving. The guys are so great and I am sure they want to get moving just as much as I do.

As I started to diet after my negative beta and thought I would have lost a lb or two, but no I gained 2lbs :( I am not going to give up, but man was I upset at the scale this morning. I have been working out and eating only 1200 calories a day I thought maybe a 1lb or 2. Oh well I keep on working at it. The weight has to come off at some point, right? If it doesn't work I guess I could just keep eating until I gain enough weight for the lapband :)

We are getting ready for Halloween my most favorite of all of the holiday's. Is Halloween really a holiday or just an event? Either way it is my favorite. We are going to build a haunted house this year and it is going to be so much fun. I am dressing up as Gumby :) The costume is so cute. I am sure that Gumby does not sound scary, but what is I carry a big knife! I will try not to scare to many little kids :) It is going to be great fun.

I will have to post some pictures of the big event when it happens.

Well it was confirmed. The beta was negative and so that ended any hope I had of getting a last minute hail Mary pass :( I know it is not the end of the world, but it is so crushing. As a surrogate this is what you want to do. You want to be pregnant and you want to give your IP's a baby. Nobody likes failed transfers even through they happen more times then anybody wants to mention :( I am still a bit down from the negative thing.

My husband has been so supportive and wonderful. He is like they IF's will try again don't worry. I was not sure for none of the embryos make it to freeze. The IF's have to find a new proven donor for out of 13 eggs only 2 of them made it to 5 days! Not a very good percentage.

So my IF's called me on beta day and they were so wonderful. They are we are not giving up we are going to try again. They spoke with the RE and they are looking for a new donor. The RE said that I was perfect. I am sure he meant as a surrogate, but it is always nice to hear that you do something well.

I am sure the IFs will find a donor soon and we will start again. I am glad that they are going to try again. They are just great guys and I really would like to make them parents.

Well here it is beta day!!! I already went in first thing and had my blood drawn. It only took them 4 tries to get my blood. I am sure my right arm will be sore tomorrow :(

I am still not feeling a positive result, but I will wait until I throw in the towel completely. I know that it does not always work, but a girl can hope!

It is noon so I am hoping to hear from the doctor's office very soon. If it is negative I really would like to try and start to cycle again very soon. I know they have some embryos on ice which should make it a lot easier for I wouldn't have to sync up with the donor this time.

My weekend was nice. We were able to finally clean out my Grandmother's house for we had to move her into a home almost a year ago and we have been putting off cleaning her house. My Mom wants to rent her house so my Grandma can have the money for her care which is a great idea. After we finished cleaning we got to go to a near by casino :) It was a lot of fun for my Mom, Sister and I went just for a couple of hours. I did manage to hit a jackpot for $2500 which totally made my day. I gave my sister some money so we both walked away winners which I will take any day of the week!

Well hopefully soon I will hear about the beta.

Why is this so difficult? I am having such a hard time with not getting a ++++++ so far. I have been searching the web high and low to see what the latest anybody got a positive with a 5dt transfer. So far 9 days seems to be a winner. I am just 7 today, but not feeling pregnant yet :(

I just felt like this morning when I took the test I didn't even blink and it came up negative. If seemed to come up so fast like I had my husband take the test! I guess I just want a glimmer of hope. I am still not giving up, but I am seriously having a pity party today. I need to get my head out of my ass for I have had a couple of negative transfers in the past and each time I beat myself up. I know that is does not always work on the first, second or even third try. The journey of a GS can be very frustrating. We so very much want everything to work out for the parents. We want to be a GS to help create families so anytime there is a bump in the road it is very difficult to deal with.

So tonight my husband and I are going to dinner for our 5 year anniversary. It is actually tomorrow, but we can't go tomorrow night so we are celebrating a day early!!!! I am excited about dinner for I know it is going to be great. Also I got an email from my FIM (former intended mother) She is the Mum of the twins. I am so glad to have met D and helped her and P have babies. They are great parents and good people. She always sends me videos and pictures of the twins and we have just become good friends even though they are in Australia I still feel a connection. It was so great to hear from D it made me feel a bit better.

Okay I am rambling today. Have a great day and hopeful I will get some unexpected great news soon.

Well it is Monday! For better or worse the beginning for a new week. Of course I still driving myself crazy with the HPT testing and so far it is negative. Just having that stark white little square staring up and me is just so disheartening. It is like a blank sheet of paper looking at you when you know you have something to write. Of course I am not giving up hope for it has not even been a full 5 days since the transfer, but I have the patience of a 3 year old in a toy store. I WANT to see that beautiful +++++++++++++++++++++++++++ in that little white square!

My weekend was good other than the negative HPT's. Miss Mouth was at it again, but what else is new with that kids. She just knows more than me and is a better person than me. I know that someday this will be better, but for now it just sucks. I really want to have good relationship with my daughter, but for now I will have to settle for a good relationship with my sons.

I have some good things to look forward to this week. One being our fifth wedding anniversary on Oct 8Th. I am so excited. It is my husband's year to plan the evening for we trade off who plans the evenign. I know it is going to be great for my husband does a super job of finding places to go and L.A. has some fabulous restaurants and I love to eat so it is a win/win for me!

I am hoping that the next few days well bring some good news!!!!! Have a great Monday.

Well here it is 2 days after my transfer and I already want to take a HPT. I know that it would be negative, but I just can't help myself. The transfer went really well for I was a bit worried for my cervix (can I say that would here) does not always cooperate. I got to look at the two embryos through the microscope and it was just amazing.

The IF's also sent the most amazing basket to the clinic so is was waiting for me. They are just the sweetest guys who are so generous and thoughtful. It was filled with bath stuff, a pillow, a beautiful robe, and a washcloth. The basket was huge so when I emptied it out is became a new favorite place for my cat to sleep in :)

I know that I will make myself crazy in the next two weeks and it cracks me up that I have done this before for each time I start to question everything. First is that cramp normal? Did I rest enough? I know that until Oct 12Th all of these questions and more will be racing through my mind. I will try my hardest to not stop and take an HPT every hour :)

I will have a bit of distraction this weekend for for I have to help my youngest son with his science project. He is building a cell which could not be better timing for somebody who wants these cells to keep growing inside of her for nine months!