Well this is it for me :( I got the email I was dreading. My IP's have decided to move on with the recommendation of the RE. The RE feels that my uterus is just to tilted and that every time I am on the stimulation medication it will be worse. I really just don't know how to feel for I know this is it for me. I told myself I would retire. Also this weekend was an eye opener with my DH.

My DH is just really not supportive of me being a surrogate anymore. He does not want to be the family at risk for all the things that can happen when you are pregnant. We have been through a lot and I have to respect his wishes. He has been there through all of my surrogacy and I can't ask him to do anymore than that. Also things with my DD have just gotten out of control.

My DD called the police on my DH and I and said that we were assaulting her? She was the one throwing shoes, toys, and her laundry hamper at me. My DH had to restrain her for she was coming at me to attack me. She ended up attacking my DH. She scratched him, kicked him, tried to punch him. It was just awful. I really don't know what the hell is wrong with my DD. She is so rude and disrespectful. The stuff that comes out of her mouth is just awful. I really don't think a child could hate her Mother more than my DD hates me.

The police came out and talked to all of us. They ended up taking DD to her Father's house and for now that is where she is going to stay. My EX has always put in her head that I am a monster so I will just have to live with the fact that my DD think that of me. I am too tired to fight with her about nothing. I really am the only one doing anything for her at all. I took her to all of her Driver's Ed classes and paid for it. I also enrolled her in summer school which she has to attend in order to graduate H.S. I also paid for that as well. I am tired of being the only one who cares :( It really does break my heart, but I know I am a good Mom and I know I am a good person and I deserve some respect and so does my DH. I am not sure what will happen between my DD and me? I am not sure I can forgive her right now for assaulting me. I still do value a child parent relationship and I know that she can not act this way.

I guess I am just venting for my heart is breaking. Not just about my DD, and surrogacy, but about my DH as well. All of this has put a strain on our marriage and I am not sure it can be repaired. I love my DH more than anything, but he is just not happy with me :( I always thought I was a good wife, but I guess I was missing the boat.

So let's see I have failed at being a surrogate the past two times, failed with my DD, and my marriage is struggling. Let's not forget that my Grandmother just died and I was still dealing with that. I know that this too shall pass and what does not kill you will make you stronger, but geeezzzzzzzzz does it have to happen all at once.

Well I finally feel good enough to post. I am so disappointed at what happen it just took the wind out of my sail. I was all set to transfer my perfect lining was waiting for those wonderful perfect embryos and wouldn't you know it my uterus was having some kind of temper tantrum and the Doctor could just not get the embryos in the place he wanted. I went in two days in a row to try to get the transfer to work. Nothing like having your legs in stir-ups for a couple of hours without any benefit :( Let me tell you it was rough and then I had to come out to the waiting room and see my IM crying. God did I feel even worse. Then of course I start to cry and our respective DH's just don't know what to do for us.

I hate disappointing people and I just don't understand why my uterus was no happy. The Doctor told me that it happen once in a while due the medication for it can make your uterus twist in a odd position. Mind you he was down in my bits and pieces telling me this information so it made it all so much better ;-)

Well on a positive note I finally got my AF and let me tell you she is dozie. So hopefully this means that we can start to cycle again real soon and get me knocked up so my IP's can have the family they are dreaming about. I am going to try acupuncture to see if it helps me with my uterus.

Not surrogacy related, but something that I am so proud of that I brag all the time about it. My DS graduated from college with a B.A in Political Science. I could not be more proud of that young man. He also got straight A's his last semester taking 18 units. WOW is all I can say.

I just know soon I will get pregnant I just need to be patient.